A few years ago a (Christian) woman came to talk to me about an unplanned pregnancy. I was a bit puzzled because she was, afterall, married and healthy and not so very old. But since she seemed to be telling me that she didn't think her (non-Christian) husband would be happy, I prayed with her.... and then more or less forgot about it.
Finally, few months ago she divulged that her husband had badgered her incessantly about getting rid of the baby, even offering to kick her in the stomache to precipitate a miscarriage. These words from a man we had always observed to be shy and pleasant mannered! (He never actually kicked her.)
"I can't forgive him!" she told me. "Maybe if I hadn't lost the baby I could have overlooked it. But I can't forgive him."
He never apologized and it doesn't seem likely that he ever will. What do I tell her? As a Christian, obviously she must forgive him. But how? and what is forgiveness anyway?
2 comments:
I think forgiveness is opening your heart to restoring a relationship. I think forgiveness should be defined in light of Christ's work on the cross. The Lord Jesus Christ took on the punishment we, as sinners, rightly deserve, so I think that forgiveness is cleansing your heart of the desire to see someone who has wronged you punished for something they CLEARLY deserve because you love them--not in a viscereal or secular sense but because they bear the image of their Creator. The forgiver's job is to open their heart to restoring their relationship with the forgivee; the forgivee's job is to receive the forgiver's forgiveness. Yes, Christ died on the cross for our sins, but we only restore our relationship with God the Father if we receive the forgiveness. "Love means having to say you're sorry."
If she can't forgive him, Jesus clearly said what would happen to her in his word. If he won't receive her forgiveness, that's HIS problem, not hers, and she should just shake the dust off her sandals.
Kris
Perhaps I should liken the forgivee to the prodigal son's father. He didn't force him to come home; the son came to his senses, and when he did, his father ran to him. His heart was open to restoring their relationship. Christ's work on the cross lets us know that God the Father is open to restoring a relationship with us, but we just have to come to our senses. As forgivers, the prodigal son's father shows the incredible effort it takes to forgive someone (i.e. being open to restoring a relationship).
Kris
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