Sunday, March 09, 2008

No closure, but life goes on ... and pleasantly, too.

I dreamed "the dream" again last night - I haven't dreamed it in such a long time - and it was the weirdest version ever.

I had my share of crushes when I was younger, but there was one young man - of course the French woman in Sabrina would probably tell me that he wasn't a man but an illusion - whom I loved passionately and, my roommate thought, foolishly. I never loved quite like that again, not even my husband whom I LOVE VERY DEARLY. This is probably a good thing - husbands don't want doormats and God doesn't want competition. (Which is probably why it never came to anything.)


With the husband I love

In "the dream" this man is usually watching me from the shadows for reasons which are never quite clear to me and I wake up feeling haunted. But last night the dream was different. He came rushing up to our house in broad daylight ...Perhaps a quick stopover on a business trip: do pastors take business trips? is Aomori a quick stopover... dreams never make sense!

Any way, I was talking to someone so he handed me an envelope and talked to my family while he waited. I woke up just as I read the inscription on the envelope "I love you forever."

That's DEFINITELY an illusion! And why I am telling this silly dream to the world? Because I work with so many young people who are in the middle of it all and some of them can get quite poetic about it. I read some stories the other day that brought back all the old feelings and I realize that people want validation of their person and feelings. Like me, they want their old flame to say "I'm sorry I didn't acknowledge how important you were... you were kind of cool." However, I don't think it happens. At least it hasn't happened to me in the last 35 years!

So what I'd like to say to my young friends is... in most cases you are going to have live without closure. And I'd also like to go on record as saying:

I love my life.
I love my husband.
So don't hang around waiting for what God doesn't intend to give you. Get on with life - with or without the spouse is immaterial - and ENJOY it!

KGK Christmas Party - Clean up crew

Enjoying Life!


autumn said...

Laurie-I miss you!
What I wouldn't give to come over for a tea party with you and Sarah!
Thank you for your commitment to the Truth-and being transparent with your experiences and your faith journey making sense of it all.
And thank you for these recent flashback posts, I loved going down memory lane, remembering what was happening in your family when we were in Aomori.
...oh and we are praying people who keep you in our prayers too. :)
Much Love,

Laurie Elliot said...

Oh, Autumn, I miss you, too!