I did finish!

As those who get our newsletter already know, I did make my deadline for the Kanji course. In fact, I finished one week ahead of schedule!

Sadly this does not equal having attained the level of literacy I would like to attain and maintain as an adult member of society! But it does mean I have the tools now. I just need to “keep on keeping on.”

I  suppose I should also mention that I have not been updating here because it is no longer possible to publish photos in blogs I write offline.

Unfortunately the “Open Live Writer” people have given up trying to stay ahead of Google/Blogger incompatibility issues.

If anyone has found a good offline composer please let me know. There are days when I  positively itch to stand on my soapbox again!

Literacy begins here

The other day for some reason Facebook reminded me of “The most commented on post of 2016”…  not sure why they picked that year. But it was a rather noteworthy post and I almost posted it again.

I like the Facebook “Memories” component. Its fun to look back. Its also helpful. It puts the present into perspective.

Looking at old photos, and rereading old letters, diaries, etc.  There is  something about looking back at where we’ve been helps us to refocus and keep going.

Looking ahead is good, too.

I did that the other day.

After limping a long for a year I finally decided to devote this semester to upping my reading level. With that end in view I started an intense Kanji course at the beginning of October with the object of becoming actually literate.

Last week I took a long hard look at the course and at the calendar, made some calculations, recalculated my pace and set the goal a little more firmly.

A few days later a serious tumble on a patch of icy road gave me cause to wonder if I’d been scuttled again. But I’m back on it today!

And praying to make that end date of March 9th. 

But my real prayer is that it will really be the beginning!

My Husband Again …

I’m a hopeless translator! Well, not hopeless but definitely no good at simultaneous translation and I hate making noise in church.

So I never translate for foreign guests. However, I do often share a running written commentary with them.

So here is my husband again. Sort of…  At least as summarized by me (probably while balancing a baby on my lap.)

“The Works of God”     -  Matthew 6:1-18 

God is always watching us.

He is everywhere – except in our dark hearts. Until we are filled with His Spirit. Then we become His temple.

Then we bring God’s healing, purifying power to the world. Our presence should be a healing, purifying light in a dark world.

What is the Kingdom of God like? The rules and principles of the Kingdom are laid out in Matthew chapters 5 – 7. But the most important requisite is:   HUMILITY

Our glory should not be in clothes … or what we do.

Don’t show off in your prayers, your fasting, your gifts.

Don’t do anything for man. Do for God.

It’s about loving God.

DON’T DO THINGS FOR THE PRAISE OF MEN.

Years ago some churches ignored the poor but built extravagant sanctuaries. Yet God wants us to care for the poor.

LOVE HIM THROUGH YOUR OBEDIENCE.

Do for God, not man.

Pray for God’s ears, not to impress man.

Keep in mind that God sees our hearts….

What is true fasting? It is to share with those who have not. Read Isaiah 58:1-14.

• loose the chains of injustice
• share the necessities of life
• provide shelter for wanderers

God is preparing us for the next life and not everything can be explained in terms of this life.

Useless repetitions…  in Japan we have our equivalents of Tibetan prayer wheels. But NO! Pray from your heart!!!!

Praise Him. Put God’s interests before your own. Cast yourself on His mercy – but don’t forget God is God and you are only a (small) (wo)man. He is SO  BIG. Don’t forget to marvel that He cares for you.

These are simple things.

But we must keep them in mind.

“The Book” That Changed Our Lives

A few days ago I pulled this out of the dish cupboard where we keep the song sheets for mealtime.

It brings back a lot of memories!

“I’M AN OMF KID” SONG BOOK

The title began with a shirt that a colleague ordered for the all the kids…  That was followed by a long series of shirts designed by my husband at my request for field conferences.

But the impulse behind it was probably born out of all the old China Inland Mission biographies I read in my teens. In these books I saw not just individuals but families –sometimes very extended families - serving God. Siblings. Children. Grandchildren. Cousins. All sorts of family webs bound together in a common cause.

This was appealing.

I wanted to be part of it. But the CIM had undergone a great change and I didn’t recognize it at first in its new incarnation as OMF.

However, as I read the East Asia Millions month by month and attended prayer conferences and prayer meetings I began to recognize the old familiar principles.

We joined. (I found someone drawn to the same cause!)

And then we waited. And waited.

And while we waited we spent a lot of time at 1058 Avenue Road where the Toronto Office was situated.

After our baby was born we settled in North York for awhile and attended the Prayer Meeting at 1058 every Thursday night. How I loved all the “China Hands” – retirees who had served in China. These were the people I recognized! Many of them were already in their 80s but how they could pray!

And how they loved my baby!

With Herbert Rowe after the Dedication Service

We asked one of our favorites to perform the dedication. Dear old Mr. Rowe. Such an Englishman! So very old school!

Childless himself, he challenged us with searching questions:

Believing that this child is a gift from God, and that He shall hold you accountable for him, do you solemnly confess that it is your purpose to dedicate him to the Lord and to His service?

Will you pray with him and for him, instruct him faithfully in the doctrines of the Christian religion, teach him to read the Word of God, to pray, and to lead a holy life; take him faithfully to the House of God to attend its services; and do all that in you lies to bring him to the knowledge of Jesus Christ as Saviour and Lord?

These questions pierced our souls. I pinned them in my cookbook and came back to them again and again.

I wondered how we would do that with all the separations common to missionary families at the time.

And then came “the book” that changed the course of our lives.

“The Book”

Around this time there was an overhaul of the archives going on at 1058 and this scrapbook  – with photos of all the British and North American candidates from circa 1953 to circa 1964 – caught my attention as it hit the toss pile.

I claimed it.  And I made it my business to find out who everyone was and, more importantly, what happened to them. After all, wasn’t what happened to them likely to happen to us?

The answers were often discouraging!

I came to some conclusions:

A lot of people don’t make it.

We want to make it to the end!

The status quo for children isn’t working.

There must be another way!

And that is why in 1983 we quietly sent our son to the local elementary school. This was definitely not a status quo decision. But it is one we have never regretted.

To say there were a lot hard times would be putting it mildly. But again and again we went back to dear Mr. Rowe’s challenge. Here was something more important than excelling at sports or academics or social conformity to one’s home country.

We wanted to be joined with our children in a common cause – an eternal cause. And that became our measure… how does this decision we are weighing look in the light of eternity?

“Turn your eyes upon Jesus,
Look full in His wonderful face,
And the things of earth will grow strangely dim,
In the light of His glory and grace.”

We have a friend who sings these words with his two small daughters every day. We didn’t sing them but we tried to live them.

Stumbling as we went. We were like an airplane - never quite on track but always honing back in on its destination. Looking at Jesus.

And 40 years later we are still here. Now a little battle worn but very, very happy.

And our children?  We gave them a heritage.

A secure fortress. A  refuge.

But best of all, they have the fountain of life.

Whoever fears the LORD has a secure fortress, and for their children it will be a refuge. The fear of the LORD is a fountain of life, turning a person from the snares of death.

Proverbs 14:26-27

How to Pray “the Big Stuff”– and “the Bad Stuff”

There are some things I want my grandchildren to know.

What do you do when your problem is SO BIG and so IMPOSSIBLE that you wonder (heretical thought!) if it is actually bigger than God?

What  do you do if you can’t hear one hopeful word calling above the din of the sea of negativity that seems to be drowning you?

What do you do if your body is positively tingling to smash your “enemy” with a mighty blow? What if you you wake up from a troubled sleep to find yourself calling down curses on his/her head?

What do you do when you realize that you really ARE bad? What do you do when you feel that no grace will reach you?

Because life is messy. Even a Christian life.

It’s hard to be really honest and stay positive.

And that’s what I like about singing/praying Psalms. I can be brutally honest, I can acknowledge all my pain and even anger and doubt…   and yet when all is said and done – when all the garbage is out in the open - there is hope in my heart.

Truly, among the gods there is none like our God!

But as we sang with the children this summer I realized how crucial understanding context and structure is to maintaining hope.

The first two verses 85A of are so encouraging.

So why the reversal in verses 3 and 4?

If God has already taken all His wrath from us and turned from His fierce anger, why does verse three start with a request to turn and let indignation cease to burn?

A number of years ago, I noticed a pattern in Biblical prayers. Many prayers, although not all, begin by running through a lot of history (and sometimes citing earlier Scriptures.)

Verses 1 and 2 are referring to Judah’s return from Babylon. And if you know anything of this long history, you will remember how merciful God is. You will know the answer to those gut wrenching questions in verses 3 and 4.

No, He won’t stay angry!

Yes, He will restore our joy!

He WILL show His lovingkindness.

So go ahead and shout out your anger, grief and shame. But don’t forget to go back to the beginning and REMEMBER God’s great mercy, God’s great Grace.

“Whenever you are in a low state of mind or heart, remember God’s past lovingkindnesses. Recall the record of what he has done for his people in ages long gone by, for he is the same God for ever and ever, and, therefore, what he has done in the past, he will do in the future.”

- Charles Spurgeon

These are things I want my grandchildren to know.

A Testimony from My Husband

I have been the pastor of Ajigasawa Church, under the auspices of the Japan Evangelical Church Association (JECA) since April 1rst of this year.

Two years ago, when we returned to Japan in a state of great uncertainty concerning our future, this was the one outcome we did not think was possible. But with the support  and sponsorship of Pastor Iwamatsu and Hirosaki Gospel Church, I was able to return to Ajigasawa Church in this new capacity.

As we no longer have regular support from overseas, and our church is unable to support us fully, I have to divide my time between ministry and part-time jobs. This is my greatest challenge at this time.

We are thankful to all of you who support us in prayer but I have to admit there are times when I wonder how we can carry on. I find I simply must do whatever is at hand to do, and remind myself that God has promised to provide. And, He does.

Still, being only too human, I often find myself wishing that he would provide AHEAD of time- say, a nice, fat surplus that would cover several months ahead- and once I start thinking that way, why not several years ahead, or  enough for the rest of our lives, or maybe twice that much just to be on the safe side, or… Well, once you go down that path, the sky’s the limit.

What do we need? Jesus said, enough for today. Oh me of little faith- I find that hard.

In August we were on vacation with family in cabins located 6 hours (by car) south of here. I was doing some carpentry on the side, and the days were busy. On August 7, I noticed my memo book, which I usually carry in my shirt pocket, was missing.

That was serious. It contained important information I had noted nowhere else, and ID related stuff I didn’t want falling into the wrong hands. We searched and asked for help and prayer and prayed that it would be kept intact, and safe. Here was a test of God’s willingness and ability to care for me.

Why should I doubt either of the above? God has protected and provided for me all my life. Why do I find it so hard to trust?

On the other hand, why didn’t God bring the memo book back into my hands promptly? Why make me wait?

Eighteen days passed. I was due to return to Ajigasawa in a few hours, and still no memo book. Doggedly I told myself that God would answer, one way or another. But, part of me was complaining, “God, why make me wait? What’s the point?”

I was dumping some food scraps in the compost heap at the foot of the hill as I prepared to leave. I reached down to grab a handful of grass clippings to cover it, and reached over farther than usual. I pulled out a handful, and the missing memo book popped out of the pile right under my nose.

I couldn’t have been more surprised if it had been a leprechaun.

Although the cover was molded a bit this was easily wiped clean, and days of rain had not harmed it otherwise.

Why make me wait 18 days? Why bring it forth from such an unexpected place in such a dramatic way?

Because anything short of that my doubting heart would just count as coincidence, rather than what it was- a loving demonstration of My Father’s care and provision for me- the champion doubter.

I was deeply moved, and very excited. I want all of you to hear this testimony, and it’s sequel. The Enemy of our souls was right there a few days later, whispering to my all-to-human heart, “It was , after all, just a coincidence.”

He never gives up. God had to make me wait, and surprise me greatly, to give my doubting heart a demonstration so outlandish that I can resist that voice of doubt, and draw on the lesson learned in the days to come.

God does see us. He knows us. He knows our needs and burdens. And, He has promised to provide.

And He does.

But seek ye first the kingdom of God,

and his righteousness;

and all these things shall be added unto you.

Take therefore no thought for the morrow:

for the morrow shall take thought

for the things of itself.

Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof.

Matthew 6:33,34

Building a Godly Heritage

Nine childish voices rang out loudly,

“O LORD, unto Your land You showed

Your favor graciously bestowed;

The captive Judah You set free,

Restored his wealth and liberty.”   85A

It did my heart good – it reminded me that God has done this for me, too. He has bestowed His gracious favor and set me free.

I hung this psalm on our cabin wall in the summer of 2016 when we felt so frightened and trapped by circumstances that were far, far beyond our control.

It was still on the wall when we sat down to our first meal with the combined Elliot households this summer. In the chaos of that first dinner together I wanted a hymn quick. So that’s what we sang.

For a few days I cast around for another hymn – one a little more “child friendly.”  But the children caught on fast! And there was something appealing about the little boys belting it out for all they were worth. So we kept on singing Psalm 85A.

I thought of all the hymns I loved as a child without really understanding until much, much later.. and I decided I would just count it as building a heritage.

Building a godly heritage…   I thought of this again as Uncle #5 set us to memorizing Psalm 103:1-6.

My father began so many of his prayers with those beautiful words,

“Bless the LORD, O my soul: and all that is within me, bless his holy name. Bless the LORD, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits.”

- Psalms 103:1-2 KJV

As a small child I wasn’t very clear on the nature of blessings and benefits…  but I could hear the reflective awe in my father’s voice. I think I can still hear it.

And those words have helped and strengthened me again and again over the years.

In fact, early this year my husband and I began praying from this psalm every night – because its an antidote to all that ails me. And there is a lot that ails me.

Building a godly heritage.

This picture of Daniel is part of our family heritage, too.

In our early days in Ajigasawa, we had men. Young men, too. But such men! I wanted Josephs and Daniels. But we had Thomas and Peter and Judas.

I sent for a poster of Daniel in the lions’ den and hung it at the front of “the church” (a room in our house at the time.) It didn’t seem to exercise the desired effect on those men and they drifted off. But the Elliot children went on looking at that poster for the next 30 years. It seeped down deep into their souls and gave them backbone.

I think it gave me backbone, too. Pictures are powerful.

I hope this picture is seeping into our grandchildren’s souls now along with their memories of summer in the cabin at Takayama. Because…

Life is messy. And life is sometimes rather frightening.

I hope the verses we recited and the  hymns we sang this summer will come back to them when they need courage and grace to go on.

Because life is also beautiful.

BLESS THE LORD, O MY SOUL,

AND ALL THAT IS WITHIN ME…

BLESS THE LORD, O MY SOUL,

AND FORGET NOT ALL HIS BENEFITS.

Different worlds

I went to the bath again recently….  this time one that overlooks the ocean. It was probably a very bad idea since I’m still not over whatever nasty bug hit us last week.

But it is a beautiful bath overlooking the ocean in a most amazing hotel. Very different from the bath house near my daughter’s apartment in Nagoya!

Now that was old school. The kind where the attendant can look into the change room if he wants to… Yes, he! There was a man on duty when I arrived. Of course, he or she seldom looks. And I think I was actually more disturbed by the fact that the doorway to the change room had not only no door but no curtain. And there was an unobstructed view through the change room of the bath beyond.

At least there was no door between the men and women’s bath! That used to be par for the course – it was ostensibly for the cleaning ladies but children liked to go back and forth from one side to the other. One was always in danger of seeing and being seen (by people one knew!)

I felt, well, uncomfortable. And it sent me back 37 years to that time when pregnant with our third child I found myself unable to reach our own bathtub. I just couldn’t maneuver that baby bump past the washing machine which shared the drain with the bath! So in desperation I headed for the local bath house telling myself that if my tall blonde colleague could do it, so could I.

Still, it was… challenging for a rather young (early 20s) and rather modest New Englander.

Modest…  what was modest? 

I don’t think I knew any more….

No American would have blinked an eye at my mother in her back garden with rather short shorts and a halter top and bare feet. But I suspected it would probably shock our language school teachers. I didn’t show them the photo.  Sleeveless was still taboo in Japan. So were North American necklines. And for that matter, so were red dresses.

It seemed there were so many places we had to be careful not to offend.

And yet there were so many other things that offended my own sense of modesty…  a perfect stranger snatching the covering from my carefully concealed breast in the midst of a very crowded thoroughfare with the excuse “Your baby is going to suffocate!”

There was so much underwear… It was obvious everywhere. It hung in racks over our heads while we entertained. On hot nights men stripped down to their underwear to lounge – or walk the streets! On long ferry rides even prim and proper ladies might strip to their underwear and sit around (in mixed company) eating and drinking with their friends.

And there was the lack of underwear…   when my husband went calling he would, as often as not, be met by an old women clad only in an undershirt (no bra) and often zipping up her pants as she came to the door.  (Young women also went without that item of clothing – they were just less obvious about it.)

Sometimes it was hard to identify on just how many levels a thing jarred.. for instance, when the ramen delivery man cheerfully greeted me as he peed on the street!

And the strange dichotomies when my worlds collided.

Toilets…   I’m pretty sure that toilet conversations were  common in North America. I had never thought twice about talking through the toilet door to close friends and female family members. My 4 daughters, however, all informed me that this was just plain gross.

They also complained loud and long about the the space under the door in public toilets in North America. The doors in Japan go to floor. Always.

And yet the child who complained the loudest about that space under the toilet door was very proud of her junior high class for their mature attitude toward changing their clothes together – boys and girls – in the classroom. Whaat?! 

You can’t talk to your mother through the toilet door but it doesn’t bother you to change your clothes with the boys!

There’s more. While in high school this same child greeted a colleague of ours who unwittingly walked in on her in the bath with perfect equanimity. I learned about it from his Asian wife who thought it was terribly funny.

And me? Well, I was left wondering why the 12 inch space at the bottom of the toilet in the girls room is a problem…

Such a different world.

Such different standards.

Why You Don’t Need a Vision for Your Church

“Vision….  Remember when mission was all about vision statements? For all I know it still is…  But your church doesn’t need a vision – it already has one! Remember? ‘Be Thou my Vision, O Lord of my heart.’”

And then we turned to Ephesians 4:1-17 where I was particularly struck by Paul’s words:  “I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received. Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.”  These words, as my husband reminded us, are God’s vision for our church.

HUMBLE.

GENTLE.

PATIENT.

BEARING WITH ONE ANOTHER IN LOVE.

I thought of similar words in Micah 6:8… 

Just, kind, humble, godly….  Does that describe us?

Lots to think about tonight.

Pastor Iwamatsu and his wife came down and joined us for the teatime afterward and I thought about it again. Just and humble integrity over pizzazz. Kindness over all…

I have always loved the camaraderie of an Sunday evening service and I love the Sunday PM English Service at Hirosaki Gospel Church!

Halfway Down

Stairs are beautiful. All sorts of stairs. I just really love stairs! And stairwells! (A stairwell is a wonderful place to sing – especially if they echo.)

And so I took this photo last July for the Beauty in Every Day Life 30 Day Challenge… Day 19 “Every day object.” 

We had been working to clear these stairways on the Nakagawa River where we walk (every day, twice a day) when the weather is clement.

I love to sit on this stairway on a clear day watching the water run sparkling by…. And I love to sit there in the the dark with my husband beside me listening to the night sounds…

Ever since I was a child I have sat on stairs… and thought. Perhaps that’s the charm of A. A. Milne’s poem.

Halfway down the stairs
Is a stair
Where I sit.
There isn't any
Other stair
Quite like
It.
I'm not at the bottom, 
I'm not at the top;
So this is the stair
Where
I always
Stop.

- A. A. Milne

In the poem halfway up and halfway down is a good place – a thinking place. But in my life right now… I feel a little…  stuck. Not at the bottom, not at the top… thinking and thinking and not really getting free.

And so in the end, although I have thought up countless texts for that photo, I never wrote up any of them.

I never finished the 30 Day Challenge.

A few days ago I wrote “So much water under the bridge since this photo was taken a little over a year and a half ago... and that water floated us out of darkness into a very good place. I thank God for His great deliverance. "Bless the Lord, oh my soul, bless His holy name - and forget not all His benefits!" Psalm 103”

And it is absolutely true!

And yet, and yet…  what I wrote to a friend a few weeks ago is also true. “… most of the time I feel safe and useful and alive again. But I still have moments when I wonder if I will ever recover from those 2 years of limbo and …” 

Last summer was hard. Really hard. We had to vacation (3 weeks!) with a few of the people implicated by that “and” - I’m afraid it almost put me back at the imprecatory psalm stage!

Fortunately, autumn and my commencement to Hirosaki University Graduate School in October – as a fulltime student this time around – seemed to restore my equilibrium and on the whole I have been pretty happy.

But things have come up during the Christmas vacation that brought back memories of that awful feeling of being the caged dog…

This is not a good feeling. It is also not my present reality! But sometimes its hard to escape the shadows.

When we were casting about for this year’s motto I was drawn to Ann Voskamp’s One Thousand Gifts and the idea of counting – naming - blessings.)

But in the end we chose words from Fra Giovanni’s letter “Take Joy” written Christmas Eve, 1513. Perhaps it was those words “The gloom of the world is but a shadow.”

And to see, we have only to look.

I beseech you to look!

This year we will go on looking for the joy “within our reach.”

And yes, we will TAKE JOY!

Keona–from Generation to Generation

*Your phone rang while you were in class.*

I was more than a little surprised by the news, *Keona was born!*

She was definitely early! But she’s a healthy young lady. When I phoned both Mom and Keona had just finished their lunch.

Here are the details from Daughter #1

Born at 39weeks2days. 3572grams. 

Name：Keona （kee-OH-nah）

Meaning：Gracious gift of God

Kanji：希代奈（きよな）

Bible passage：Psalm 100 （especially verse 5）Our hope is in God, whose faithfulness continues through all generations. We will pass on this hope, generation to generation.

Shining Faces

Two nights ago we prayed a prayer we often pray. Really often – often enough I may have posted it before somewhere. But it bears repeating.

Heavenly Father,

The Japanese poet Basho wrote:

A world of grief and pain
Flowers Bloom
Even then.

But its more than that.Verse 4 of #34B in the Psalter says:

Encircling those who fear the LORD
His angel camps, and rescues them.
O taste and see the LORD is good;
How blessed are those who trust in Him.

Sometimes we have felt rather like the Israelites in the Exodus with nothing but a cloud between them and the Egyptians. But even in those times there is still the sweet taste of Your goodness.

We taste Your goodness in sunsets and sunrises, lakes and rivers, the fragrance and color of the flowers everywhere - all revealing to us Your invisible qualities:  Your eternal power and divine nature.

We taste Your goodness as we sing the thought provoking old hymns and, of course, the Psalms. And as we search our Bibles, meditating and praying through the promises we realize that you are very, very good to us.

We hope someday many people will say when they look at us:

How radiant those who looked to Him!
Their faces free from shame shall be.
The LORD heard when this poor man cried,
And from all trouble set him free.      - 34B verse 3

We want to be radiant! We want to feel Your face shining on us!

In the name of Jesus we pray,

Amen

Then yesterday this photo came up in my Facebook memories. I’m smiling – almost shining. And yet that was the very time when we felt there was only a cloud between us and “the Egyptians.”

I have never been so frightened in my life, and for so long. I hope never, ever to be that frightened again!

And yet even then God’s face did shine on us!

Do not forsake your friend and your father's friend...

Proverbs 27:10

Jonathan–God’s Gift

When I was young many of the men in our little country church began their prayers with these beautiful words from Psalm 103,  “Bless the LORD, O my soul: and all that is within me, bless his holy name. Bless the LORD, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits.”

On Good Friday Daughter # 3’s third son 岡田友矢(Tomoya Okada – also known as Jonathan) made his entrance into the world 4 weeks early and wrinkled up like a little old man but a very healthy weight. He was able to leave the hospital with his mother a few days later.

Just out of the hospital

Tomo means friend(s) and ya means arrow(s).His parents took the name from the story of David and Jonathan and the arrows in 1 Samuel chapter 20.

The story often brings to my mind those verses in Proverbs, “Rescue those who are being taken away to death; hold back those who are stumbling to the slaughter. If you say, Behold, we did not know this, does not he who weighs the heart perceive it? Does not he who keeps watch over your soul know it, and will he not repay man according to his work?” (Proverbs 24:11,12)

It would have been so much easier for Jonathan to say “I didn’t know.” But Jonathan was willing to jeopardize his own future to do right by his friend.

A friend like that is a real gift from God – and that, by the way, is what Jonathan means:  God’s gift.

Daughter # 3 with Jonathan last Wednesday

Last Tuesday Psalm 102 was in two of our Bible readings and I thought again of those verses in Proverbs 24:10-12.... God works BUT good men must not be passive!

The heart of the home

When Daughter # 3 went into the hospital last Thanksgiving her family moved back in with us for awhile.

I think that was God’s medicine for my sore heart. With two small boys always demanding attention I didn’t have time to indulge the sudden tears that still rise sometimes.

I’m afraid I resorted to screens though… 

Although we also enjoyed Jacquie Lawson’s virtual Advent Calendar – a friend’s gift to me – between Thanksgiving and Christmas the boys and I watched an astonishing number of Hallmark Christmas films.  

On the whole these movies were not memorable. And I finally decided I must be watching them for their themes of forgiveness and reconciliation.

Still, occasionally there was a line or two really worth remembering. I wish I’d had a pen ready the night we watched the one with that insightful line about how the kitchen table should be the heart of the home.

It is the heart of our home.

And I’m grateful for all the candlelit suppers we shared with the Okada family during the holiday season.

They’re back in their own home now. But the boys still join us every Saturday night. And we still light candles in the evening and sing in the morning.

Here we come Thy name to praise

Let us feel Thy presence near

May Thy glory meet our eyes

While we in Thy house appear

Here afford us Lord a taste

Of our everlasting feast….

- Safely Through Another Week

Fire and Water

This morning we sang again.

I always feel a bit chary of singing in a corner somewhere when there’s company and we’ve had company for several weeks now.

Well, not precisely company. Our two grandsons, our son-in-law and his company – a very helpful Frenchman.

But this afternoon my husband and I had a couple of hours alone and so we sang a few Psalms before we read together.

I love verse three of 66C:

Bless God, O peoples, sound His praise;

He who appoints our soul to live,

And keeps our feet from slipping.

As silver, God, You tested us,

Delivered us into a net,

Oppressed us with a burden.

Men rode o’er us;

We have gone through fire and water

By Your doing.

Yet you brought us out to freedom.

Its the title song on the first album I ever purchased from Crown and Covenant,“Through Fire and Water: Songs of Deliverance.”

So theoretically I could have learned it off the album. But that’s never worked for me – I have to see the notes!

Which is why from the moment I started thinking about Topic # 18 “Tools or Appliances” from the Beauty in EVERYday 30 Day Challenge that I’ve been (slowly!) working through, I immediately thought of the Psalms for Worship app on my tablet.

We have learned so many really beautiful songs using this tool – songs that have strengthened and enriched our lives.

Songs that brought to life the Psalms that helped us through the fire and water.

My Hand in God’s Hand

Did you ever wonder how Barak and Samson made that great roll of faithfuls in Hebrews 11? I mean, shouldn’t it be Deborah instead of Barak? And Samson?! Now that’s just…. unbelievable!

Or how about the Apostle Paul’s glowing words about Abraham

He did not weaken in faith when he considered his own body, which was as good as dead (since he was about a hundred years old), or when he considered the barrenness of Sarah's womb. No unbelief made him waver concerning the promise of God, but he grew strong in his faith as he gave glory to God, Rom 4:19-20)

What does Paul mean “He did not weaken in faith” and “No unbelief made him waver”?

What about Hagar?!

The truth is, men never live up to their ideals – and God is GRACIOUS. Men are not always so gracious!

And yet, sometimes they are…. 

Tohoku JECA Pastors

How grateful I am for this group of local pastors - and how it warmed my heart to see them reach out their hands (literally) to my husband hoping to,

Strengthen the weak hands,

and make firm the feeble knees.

Say to those who have an anxious heart,

"Be strong; fear not!”

Isaiah 35:3-4

It is still hard to shed the anxiety (and sometimes terror) that has gripped us for so long.

We have to believe that God rules - and overrules.

Joseph told his brothers in Gen 50v20,   “God turned into good what you meant for evil.”  And the truth is we will never shed our anxious hearts until we believe this to be true in our lives – always true.

Often we don’t really know that those who have hurt us “meant it for evil”...   It is difficult to know the hearts of men and women.

But when we question motives, when things seem wrong, Joseph’s words ought to remind us that God allows even things that seem totally bad to us and (whether we understand and agree with the motive or not)  He can always use these “bad things” to bring about His good purposes.

But I need to be reminded:

…Therefore lift your drooping hands

and strengthen your weak knees,

and make straight paths for your feet,

so that what is lame may not be put out of joint

but rather be healed.

Hebrews 12:12-13

And we feel our hands in God’s hands as friends and colleagues reach out their hands (real and figurative) to us in love.

Better Than Perfume

Yesterday morning I was still in bed when the phone rang, “Daphne!”

Just the sound of her voice… and immediately I felt that everything would be alright. She’s always affected me that way.

The first time I met her I was a struggling new missionary in language school and wondering  (if I had only dared admit it) if I had just made the most colossal mistake of my life. I don’t remember the meeting now, only that Daphne slipped in in her Daphne way and as I listened to her I felt like fresh breeze had just broken into a stale and stuffy room.

She was so “real!”

A few years later when we both ended up in Aomori I often went out of my way to benefit from this “realness” – her great honesty and common sense.

I often tell people that when I was a young woman I “collected mothers” meaning, I suppose, that I sought out women my mother’s age to support me in the way my mother would have done if only she had been on the same continent (or in my case, island) instead of on the other side of the world.

There were a number of these women in my life, but no one quite like Daphne!

She’s in Australia now and probably approaching 90. (Her younger sister is over 85.) But I’m so glad she’s still in my life. Comforting. Encouraging. And still full of that “realness” – that honesty that first attracted me to her.

Perfume and incense bring joy to your heart.

And a friend is sweeter when (s)he gives you honest advice.  

  -Proverbs 27:9

For we are the aroma of Christ to God

…we are not, like so many, peddlers of God's word, but as (wo)men of sincerity, as commissioned by God, in the sight of God we speak in Christ.

-  2 Corinthians 2:15-17)

Unconditional Love

Love bears all things,

believes all things,

hopes all things,

endures all things.

                                  -  1 Corinthians 13:7

As I slowly – very slowly it seems – work my way through the 30 Day Challenge from Kathleen Ann Thompson’s Beauty in Every Day, I really do find myself challenged.

It’s not hard to see beauty every day! I’ve done that all my life. But this time I’ve been looking for something more. 

As we found ourselves (like the old hymn says) tempest tossed on life’s billows, discouraged, and sometimes fearing all was lost, it seemed to me that counting blessings was perhaps the best antidote for spiritual seasickness.

So this time, as I work through the list of topics for the 30 Day Challenge I’ve been trying to find God’s special encouragements for me in the beauty all around me.

For Challenge # 15 it wasn’t hard to fix on my dog as someone who loves me unconditionally. I have already touched on this topic a little (here) but it seems worth elaborating.

My dog, Yae.

Eternally hopeful!

My husband maintains that this is the definition of dog:   always, always hopeful even in the face of continuing disappointment.

My experience bears his definition out. No matter how many times I fail Yae, she bears it, continues to believe in me, still looks at me with enduring hope in her eyes!

And I respond!

For a long time I resisted, but that trusting look of hers has won out. I love her, too.

Until Yae, I was always a cat woman.

We almost always have three or four cats around the house.

In 2012 it was difficult to find someone to fill in for us while we were in North America and we unfortunately had to leave our home empty for the first few weeks. During this time, although church members fed the animals, the cats were locked out of the house.

They did not soon forgive us!

If you have ever been punished by a cat you will understand why after this my ardor for cats cooled significantly for awhile!

My favorite cat took it the worst. Not only did she develop obnoxious retaliative behaviours, she also began to deteriorate physically.

I think there is a spiritual lesson for me in this matter of dogs and cats.

We have suffered a bitter blow.

And it would be so easy to react like those unforgiving cats! But that’s a lose/lose proposition.

And so I choose instead to emulate the (ever hopeful) dog.

I choose to take to heart those verses that have been hanging on the bathroom door for nearly 20 years:

…we rejoice in our sufferings,

knowing that suffering produces endurance,

and endurance produces character,

and character produces hope,

and hope does not put us to shame,

because God's love has been poured into our hearts

through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.

- Romans  5:3-5

Here is another verse that I’ve been reflecting on lately.

Yes, God! We put our trust in you!

Fill us with your joy and peace. And, by the power of your Holy Spirit, may we overflow with great hope.

On My Side

Today's thought provoking prayer from Seeking God’s Face: Praying With the Bible Through the Year began,

"Sovereign God, I want to claim you for my cause, but you will not be made a mascot for my squad; you call me to your kingdom."

That sure got my attention!

But I think the real meat of the matter was covered in the next few lines,

"Rule me by your Word and Spirit so that more and more I may stand on the holy ground of obedience to you."

I'm pretty sure it was bouncing off the Joshua 5:15 reading where Joshua asks, “Are you for us or for our enemies?” and receives for reply, “Neither, but as commander of the army of the LORD I have now come.”

But it reminds me of Samuel's caution to Saul,  "Has the LORD as great delight in burnt offerings and sacrifices, as in obeying the voice of the LORD? Behold, to obey is better than sacrifice, and to listen than the fat of rams.”  - 1 Samuel 15:22

Over the years, I have so often heard people say after some great fiasco, “But we prayed so hard.”

Indeed! So have I!

But is it really prayer that sanctifies an action? Is it not obedience to God’s principles?  And an understanding of his will?

I have thought a lot about this in recent months.

Can godly men be mistaken? You know the answer to that one! At least you had better know it! During every election and every war, and concerning all the issues there are “godly” men on all sides of the question. At least, if you define godly as *praying so hard*.

When Peter and John stood up and said, “"Whether it is right in the sight of God to listen to you rather than to God, you must judge,” (Acts 4:19) they were talking to their religious leaders.

These religious leaders were not always all bad.

I grew up believing that Pharisees were all horrible, godless men. So were all Catholics at the time of the Reformation. (And conversely, Luther was all good.)

NOT so!

Good men can be mistaken - even when they pray!

For that matter, I can be mistaken!

We have hanging on our wall a verse that a friend sent to us recently.

It’s so comforting, sustaining. But it’s important to remember the context! This is not talking about God taking “my side”. Rather it’s about God’s great love for me. His protection.

And this he offers to me whether I am right or wrong – if I look to him. Its about recognizing God as God.

Am I looking to him?

Listening to him?

Clinging to him?

In the Shadow of His Wings – Don’t be Afraid!

I was going to write about “someone who loves me unconditionally” - that would probably be my dog!

But tonight I feel like Jem after the trial in “To Kill A Mockingbird” – socked in the gut by the injustice of it all.

“How could they do it, how could they?”

Today we received a dismissal from an organization to which I gave two thirds of my life. I want to argue my case. But no one is listening.

So I’m back to where I was in my May blogpost, begging God Himself to take up the shield and buckler and Our Defender be!

Ever since this morning when I woke to sun and the realization that Typhoon # 10 had passed us over, I have been thinking of Psalm 57:1

Be merciful to me, O God, be merciful to me,

for in you my soul takes refuge;

in the shadow of your wings I will take refuge,

till the storms of destruction pass by.

All day I hoped the symbolism was significant – I harbored a great hope that the figurative storm was also past. This even though the “Atticus” in my life assures us that there will have to be a long and thorough process of calling to account – and years before we see justice.

He and others tell us that we need to get on with our lives. But I hardly know what my life is anymore.

I cry out to God Most High,

to God who fulfills his purpose for me.

He will send from heaven and save me;

He will put to shame him who tramples on me.

Selah.

God will send out his steadfast love

and his faithfulness!

Psalm 57:2-3

What is His purpose for us?   

I’m not sure yet – but we know that His purposes for us are good. And when we forget, our family and friends remind us with verses like this one:

So tonight we look to the Lord our Defender.

We look to the God who will be with us, who will neither fail nor abandon us.

We look to the Lifter of our Heads.

We look to You!